hi friends =)
I wore a dress last night that I haven’t worn in two years. It didn’t fit for a while because of weight I gained due to graduation anxiety/untreated depression/other reasons.
Was using my Photobooth to see what it looked like because I’m an adult who doesn’t have a full-length mirror. And then decided to take a picture for posterity because it’s like having a new dress and wooo!!
sending love n good energy n vibes of chill into the vast internet <3<3<3

hi friends =)

I wore a dress last night that I haven’t worn in two years. It didn’t fit for a while because of weight I gained due to graduation anxiety/untreated depression/other reasons.

Was using my Photobooth to see what it looked like because I’m an adult who doesn’t have a full-length mirror. And then decided to take a picture for posterity because it’s like having a new dress and wooo!!

sending love n good energy n vibes of chill into the vast internet <3<3<3

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Roller coaster! some thoughts, if you’ll indulge me.

I feel sad, incredibly angry, exhausted, very hurt.

It’s time to confront this head on. To do the work I need to do to get myself together.

I’ve never been good with change or loss. I love deeply and strongly and without abandon and that makes it that much harder when it ends. I become a nostalgic, dwelling mess!

I know that those years weren’t a waste—that they were beautiful and real and everything good that’s promised to us when we talk about love. I don’t have any regrets; it wasn’t a failure because it didn’t last forever. Timing and growth and money and depression and change and careers and fucking hard real life shit. None of us are above any of that, even though we all would like to think that the strongest love can persist. We try and try and try. It’s not failure.

What’s so frustrating is that I still feel so much love and care for this person, despite everything. 

I wish it hadn’t taken me receiving a nugget of infuriating, hurtful, shitty information for me to come to this point. And I wish I hadn’t relived all of the transcendent loveliness this weekend. But here we are.

I’m going to be OK but it’s going to take some time.

Saying bye for a while. My friends who follow me on Tumblr talk to me IRL or online anyway. Besides, I’m no fun right now. I’m going to journal for a while and try to take this process offline. It’s helped before. Who knows, maybe it’ll help again.

Love,
Amanda

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"The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds."

Dalai Lama (via cosmofilius)

(Source: chronicillnesspanda, via magicalnaturetour)

32,130 notes

Lana del Rey covers “The Other Woman” on her new album

One of my favorite Nina Simone songs, which says a lot about how morose my taste in music is lol

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You know what reminds me that there’s room to grow

Checking out Mozart while I do Tae-Bo

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When was the last time you heard Drops of Jupiter

Now is the time.

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Lol my little brother is the best

Lol my little brother is the best

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"start ignoring people who threaten your joy.
literally, ignore them.
say nothing.
don’t invite any parts of them into your space."

Alex Elle  (via blacklonerism)

(Source: alexandraelle, via magicalnaturetour)

154,338 notes

I fucking killed it and it was the most difficult challenge of my (limited) professional life thus far. Really tested my limits, and even a week before it printed I was absolutely certain I couldn’t make it work.

But it did, and I’m so proud of myself. It feels amazing to hold something that wouldn’t exist without your work. To get positive feedback from your peers and bosses. And to have something to show for, and justify, lots of hard moments.

(Those are people on Capitol Hill waiting for copies! And free food.)

5 notes